Horse Jokes
Just a Horse!
From time to time, people tell me, "lighten up, it's
just a horse," or,"that's a lot of money for just a
horse".
They don't understand the distance travelled, the time
spent, or the costs involved for "just a horse" Some
of my proudest moments have come about with "just a
horse."
Many hours have passed and my only company was "just a
horse," but I did not once feel slighted. Some of my
saddest moments have been brought about by "just a
horse," and in those days of darkness, the gentle
touch of "just a horse" gave me comfort and reason to
overcome the day.
If you, too, think it's "just a horse," then you will
probably understand phrases like "just a friend,"
"just a sunrise," or "just a promise."
"Just a horse" brings into my life the very essence of
friendship, trust, and pure unbridled joy.
"Just a horse" brings out the compassion and patience
that make me a better person. Because of "just a
horse" I will rise early, take long walks and look
longingly to the future.
So for me and folks like me, it's not "just a horse"
but an embodiment of all the hopes and dreams of the
future, the fond memories of the past, and the pure
joy of the moment.
"Just a horse" brings out what's good in me and
diverts my thoughts away from myself and the worries
of the day.
I hope that someday they can understand that it's not
"just a horse" but the thing that gives me humanity
and keeps me from being "just a woman/man."
So the next time you hear the phrase "just a horse"
just smile, because they "just" don't understand.
The difference between Horses and Husbands:
The Horse's Advantage:
All I need to know in life I learned from my horse
Selections from the "Horseman's Dictionary"
How to interpret classified horse ads
The practicality of Dressage Queen's
A husband and DQ were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away.
The DQ glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "that was my mistress."
The DQ says, "That's it; I want a divorce."
"I understand," replies her husband, "but, remember, if we divorce, there will be no more horse shopping trips to Europe, no wintering in at the Florida circuit, no 4x4 dually diesel with aluminum 6 horse trailer with full living quarters in the garage, and no groom. But the decision is yours."
Just then the DQ notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman. "Who's that woman with Jim? " she asks.
"That's his mistress," replies her husband.
"Ours is prettier," says the DQ.
Declare bankruptcy, wife got everything. Friend feels sorry for you...gives you a horse.....
Top ten exercises to become a better horseman...
THE NUMBER ONE EXERCISE TO BECOME A BETTER EQUESTRIAN:
I would like to welcome all of you to this month's online meeting of Horse-Aholicas Anonymous.
You may be sitting there thinking that you are OK, and don't really need any help. It is not easy to realize that you are a horse-aholic, and even harder to bring yourself to a HA meeting for help. HA is here to assist you. I have some questions to ask to try to determine if you can be helped.
If you answered YES to three of these questions, you are in pretty good shape. You will lead a long, dull life, and never call your mother and tell her "I'm in the hospital, but everything is fine! The horse is OK."
If you answered YES to 10, you are in serious trouble. Give in gracefully, and become a member of Horse-Aholics Anonymous now... You will qualify eventually anyway.
If you answered YES to 15 or more, you are incurable.
My advice to those who, like me, are incurable is as follows.....
Sit back, smile, read your email, and know that your life will always be filled with good friends and better horses, and it will never be dull.
Riding high on the success of such books as "You're My Mare Not My Mother" and "Denial Ain't What Keeps The Horseshoe On," . . . by Trelaine Lewis who currently calls Northern Nevada home
. . . Pamela Wilsby-Higgins is holding clinics across the country to promote her latest book and infomercials "From A Whisper To A Scream: When Your Horse Can't Hear You."
The plucky blonde, so progressive in her methods of equine communication she's called "The Woman Who E-Mails to Horses," is the first woman to receive national attention in the growing field of touchy-feely horse training. Although successful, Pamela has been criticized for her unorthodox techniques and is the first to admit she's not a traditional horse trainer.
"Training is such a worn out concept, even the word 'train' is archaic, it comes from the Old French trahiner, to drag. And that's just what training is, a BIG DRAG! "What I'm interested in is communicating with problem horses, letting them know they're not alone. Since I too have issues with trust and a history of abusive, dysfunctional relationships, I understand what they're going through. I can also relate to frustrated riders. As I wrote in 'You're My Mare Not My Mother,' at one point a guilt-tripping gelding shamed me into believing if I were a prettier, thinner, smarter person I wouldn't be having riding problems. "My goal is to facilitate people away from The 'Self-Centered' riding made popular in the 1980s to a more 'Co-Dependant 'riding where the horse and rider work closely to deepen their relationship and become meshed in the riding experience."
In defense of reports that her clinics are among the most expensive in this new industry, Pamela is unapologetic. "You get what you pay for. Horses are individuals and it takes time to discover what form of communication works best for them. Whispering to horses is fine, but some respond better to murmuring or babbling, while still others prefer mime or slide shows. I have found when working with a herd, semaphore is the most effective."
Pamela further points out that not all bad horse behavior is the result of a negative breaking experience. "Horses are very sensitive and can have a variety of problems, both emotional and paranormal. They can suffer from depression, low self-esteem, eating disorders, even repressed memories.
Most people are unaware of the large number of horses who are survivors of alien abduction. I have found that repressed memories of such abductions are the primary cause of trailering difficulties. There are also horses unfairly labeled 'spooky,' when their behavior is actually an appropriate response to poltergeist activity."
Pamela's symposiums cover a wide range of topics, such as: Reimprinting the Inner Foal, Obsessive/Compulsive Dressage, Gymkhana? Andelusions of Grandeur, Bi-Polar Bending, A.D.D. in Arabians, Fear of Flying Lead Changes, and Feeling Suicidal? Consider Eventing.
When not on tour, Pamela offers weekend retreats at Passing Wind, her Malibu, California Ranch, that focuses on specific breeds and riding disciplines. She will also customize sessions to meet a client's particular needs and budget. "Once we even re-birthed a Tennessee Walker to help her face her 'Water issues. It was exhilarating and only 3 or 4 people were injured." Pamela Was unable to comment further on this event as the matter is still in litigation.
Pamela began developing her techniques under the tutelage of GoWaanPoOLmiFynGer, the charismatic shaman of the Diamond-Phillips tribe and author of the ground breaking book, "Horse Buck Hard." "The whole monosyllabism of Horse Buck Hard overwhelmed me with its Zen. I knew instantly I had to study with him."
GoWaan PoOLmiFynGer introduced Pamela to his tribe's ancient practices of Equine- Aromatherapy, Prance-Channeling, Stall Feng Shui, Public Relations and Marketing. "GoWaan taught me so much. Not only did I learn how frequently riders with dysfunctional personal lives project unresolved emotional issues onto their horses, but the outrageous amounts of money they are willing to pay to be told it isn't their fault." Pamela went on to become GoWaan PoOL miFynGer's assistant when he toured to promote his calendar and video, Buckskin, Beads and Beefcake. "It was a great gig," she reflects, "but I knew it wouldn't last, when I noticed most of the women attending his sold-out clinics didn't have horses."
She next traveled to the Australian outback, where she studied with acclaimed Snowy River Kanguru Bruce Fosters, whose masterwork, "The Principles Of Bonding From Brumbies to The Boardroom," has become an integral part of the executive training programs of many multinational corporations.
"Bruce is an incredible visionary. He was the first person to theorize that a rearing horse is really just asking for a hug!"
Since starting her own clinics, Pamela has emphasized the differences between her methods and those of her contemporaries, but she does admit to performing the crowd pleasing, ubiquitous get an unstarted horse to accept a saddle, bit, bridle and rider without breaking its spirit in under an hour demonstration. "Of course, since I'm using the techniques I've developed, my version is different from what people have come to expect after seeing other clinicians. For example, I find using a pyramid-shaped pen, instead of a round pen, brings more energy to the session. I also use indirect lighting, scented candles and soft music. I start by having a few glasses of wine with the horse, then begin to recount my earliest childhood memories of separation and abandonment, while lunging the horse at a trot. After several minutes of this, usually at the point in my litany of victimization where my abusive second husband leaves me for my farrier, the horse will begin to go through a visible change. While still at a trot, it will start shaking its head and trying to cover its ears. This is the moment I call 'The Throw Up. The Throw Up is the point a horses reaches when it can't stand listening to my problems any more and will do anything to get me to stop, including being saddled, bridled and ridden for the first time.
"People think it's magic when they see how willing the horse becomes once I shut up and start saddling, but there's nothing mysterious about it. I just have a very annoying voice and more issues than T.V. Guide. "
Future goals for Pamela include developing a web site, and a 900 number. "I envision a network where for only 99 cents per minute, riders can speak to their own Psychic Tele-Trainer, that I've personally educated. I also plan to explore the financial aspects of communicating with other animal species. I'm willing to discourse with dogs or chat with cats. I'll even vocalize with vermin if there's money in it."
The Top Ten Reasons To Ride Dressage
By
Baron Tayler, Originally published in Anvil Magazine in 1993.
Much as I love shoeing horses, my business interests have led me to design,
patent, and manufacture machinery for farmers who work with draft animals.
Since the farmers and teamsters who use my machine work with draft animals almost exclusively, I acquired a few Percherons. They're the kindest, gentlest, most easygoing creatures on the earth, but owning them created a problem for me. I had only ten acres of pasture; that's a little more than three acres a horse-hardly enough to feed three 1800-pound horses year round without haying.
Luckily, a nearby farmer has a large pasture that he hasn't used since he retired. I moseyed over and asked if I could use the pasture for the Percherons during the winter when I'd run out of grass. You should have seen his cataract-clouded eyes light up! He told me he'd just turned 91 years old and had mourned the day he had sold his last team and converted to tractors. Yes, he said, he'd love to have the horses in his pasture.
October rolled around, and the horses finally ate the last stalk of grass in their field. I walked them down the rod and let them into the large pasture which was knee deep in lush forage. They were in horsy heaven. January arrived, and the horses had grown long, thick winter coats. The weather had been cold, but little in the way of snow. The field had a clump of trees in the middle and when it snowed, the horses snuggled up under a huge pine and slept.
With the first big snow came trouble. I was sitting at the breakfast table when the phone rang. It was a lady who lived in a house next to the pasture. She wanted to know if I owned the big horses. I told her that I did and asked her if there was something wrong. "The horses have no building to go into to get out of the snow," she said. I explained that they had a big tree to stand under, and that their dense coat was an excellent insulator. I assured her that the horses were quite comfortable. Semi-satisfied, she let me return to breakfast.
The following day the woman called back, and in a firm voice told me she was sure the horses were cold. I asked her how she knew this.
"Because they look cold," she replied.
"And in what way do they look cold?" I countered. Silence. Not a word for 30 seconds.
Finally, she said, "I just know they're cold!"
"Okay," I replied, "Why don't you meet me in the pasture in five minutes and, if the horses are cold, I'll take them into a barn." She agreed.
We met five minutes later. "Will they hurt me?: she asked. "Do they kick or bite?" It started to dawn on me that this woman was a busybody do-gooder who knew absolutely nothing about horses. With time on her hands, she probably decided that my horses needed rescuing and appointed herself their savior.
As soon as we entered the pasture, the horses trotted over looking for attention. Three 1800-pound "puppy dogs." After she watched me pet them for a few minutes I asked her if they looked cold. "Well, no," she replied, "but it's hard to tell with all the hair."
"Why don't you put your hand on one and see if it feels cold to the touch?" I asked. It was obvious she had never touched a horse before. Hesitantly, she reached out and touched one.
"Well, she said, "I have to admit that they do feel warm but I still wish they had a barn to go into."
Just then one of the horses dropped a big, steaming pile of manure on the snow. She stood looking at it, quite puzzled. "What's wrong?" I asked.
No reply at first. Then she said, "Why isn't the horse standing in the pile?"
"Why would he do that" I asked. "Because it would keep his feet warm," she replied. That snapped it! I was trying to talk logically with a certified nut case! I left her standing in the field.
The snow melted a few days later, and I hear nothing more. Then another storm hit that promised to be a keeper. With the temperature staying well below freezing, I knew the snow wouldn't melt for a while, which meant I had to start feeding bales of hay until the snow was gone. Since my daytime schedule was hectic, I found it easier to feed at night, usually around midnight. Two days after the snow had stopped falling, the old farmer called me. He said the woman was bothering him again, claiming the horses were not being fed. I assured him they were and told him of my nightly ritual.
The local animal protection society called the next day, explaining they received a report that I was starving my horses. I invited one of their inspectors to come out and see for himself. When the inspector arrived, I showed him the hay scattered over the field and explained my feeding schedule. I told him about the woman who believed horses should stand in their manure. I asked him to confirm my nightly feedings with a neighbor who had seen me feeding the horses. He did and was satisfied that the woman was, in his own worlds, a "Looney Tune."
A few weeks went by and along came another dusting of snow. The temperature hovered just around freezing, the snow melting as it hit the ground. The local animal control officer called. He was laughing so hard it was difficult to understand him. "Could I come over?" He asked. Fifteen minutes later he arrived, still laughing. His face was as red as a beet! I thought he was going to have a coronary on the spot. Finally, calmed down to a mild chuckle, he told me that a woman had reported my horses were on fire!
The officer apologized for the inconvenience of his visit, but it was office policy to investigate each complaint. I was too busy laughing to even notice. Regaining control of myself, I climbed into the officer's truck, and off we went to check on my "roasting" horses. When we arrived at the field, the sun was just starting to break through the clouds. Three gorgeous Percherons were standing there, contentedly munching on grass. Thick columns of steam rose off them as evaporated moisture in their coats condensed in the cold air. The officer and I were awed by the beauty of it, but soon the spell was broken. We both stated chuckling again, almost rolling on the ground. "Your horses are on fire!" the officer roared.
I never heard from the animal control people again. However, the woman continued pestering the old farmer with a myriad of odd ball complaints. I felt so sorry for him that I took the horses back to my place a month before I'd planned to. The farmer was sad to see them go. He still enjoys telling the story about those horses that were on fire.
T'was the night before Christmas, and all through the barn
By Jackie Arns
T'was
the night before Christmas, and all through the barn,
All the creatures were sleeping, all safe, snug and warm.
The feed pails were hung by the stall doors with care,
In the hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
The ponies were nestled all warm in there beds,
While visions of carrot cakes danced through their heads.
The Arabs, the Thoroughbreds and even the Apps,
The jumpers and hunters were all taking naps.
When
out in the paddock there arose such a clatter
I awoke in my stall To see what was the matter.
I moved to the window quick as I could
To see where the noise came from, if I could.
The
sight I beheld as I gazed out that night
Was a beautiful horse All whiter than white.
He wore a red blanket so nice to behold,
His hooves how they sparkled all glittery-gold.
With
swift certain motions to our barn he came,
and silvery moonlight danced from his mane.
More rapid than racers his hoof beats they came,
And he neighed and he snorted and called us by name.
He
was our Christmas, a ghost-horse of white,
Who has come to all horses, since that one special night.
A gallant example Who served man so well,
Especially those with whom A baby did dwell.
For
those special horses who shared stable and stall,
To give comfort and warmth to the Savior of us all.
Now thinking of them, he entered the door,
To distribute among us his gifts and more.
Down
the aisle he came, his hoof beats so light,
And he stopped by each stall in our stable that night.
Gifts he did give to all in our barn,
More heart or more courage, or to be free from harm.
He
spoke not a word but went straight to his work,
And he filled all the feed pails then turned with a jerk.
And nickering softly on gold hooves so bright,
And giving a nod he went into the night.
and I
heard him neigh as he went out of sight,
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Ni-i-i-i-ight!
My wife she has a Quarter Horse, with flaxen mane and tail.
She
thinks he is the finest thing that ever jogged a rail.
She calls him Dandy Darling, and if the truth I tell,
That fancy pampered Quarter Horse has made my life pure hell!
My wife she used to cook for me and serve it with champagne.
But now she'd rather feed that horse and fix him special grain!
She rides him every morning, and grooms him half the night.
And the last time that she kissed ME, was just to be polite!
He dresses better than I do, with matching wraps and ties.
My wardrobe's so neglected now, that I attract the flies!
One day my wife was shopping, she was way down at the mall.
And fancy, pampered DANDY was just a standing in his stall.
He looked so smug and sassy, that I began to grin.
I'd saddle that fat sucker up, and take him for a spin!!
I've wondered since if the cues I gave, he may have misconstrued.
Cause when I climbed aboard that horse, he rightly came UNGLUED!!!!
He bucked and spun, and snorted fire, then threw me through a fence!
I saw big stars and there are 6 teeth, that I ain't heard from since!
My wife came home and saw me, just a lying in the dirt.
She rushed up to her HORSE and asked him, "Sweetheart are you HURT?"
He'd scratched his nose a little bit, and the memory galls me yet......
She left me lying in the mud, and ran to call the VET!!!
Farriers' version of "He Said, She Heard"
A letter from your horse ...original version and the real story ...
After
all, I am your horse.
And now, the REAL story.....
Equine High School Cliques:
If you do any of the following you are without a doubt a true horsewomen:
On the first day of creation, God created the Horse.
On the second day, God created man to serve the Horse.
On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth to spook the Horse when man was on his back.
On the fourth day, God created an honest day's work so that man could labor to pay for the keeping of the Horse.
On the fifth day, God created the grasses in the field so that Horse could eat and man could toil and clean up after the Horse.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the Horse healthy and man broke.
On the seventh day, God rested and said "This is good. This will teach man humility. It will tire him out and keep him striving ever forward to meet the needs of the Horse."
Identification of the Female Equestrian...
One day in Heaven, Saint Peter, Saint Paul, and Saint John were standing around near the horse paddocks, bored, watching the horses frolic.
"I know!" Peter exclaimed. "Why don't we have a horse show?"
"Who are we to compete against, Peter?" Paul asked.
The trio pondered this a moment when Peter said, "We'll invite Satan. I mean, all of the World and National Champion horses are here. His stable is filled with the spoiled, difficult, and mean horses. We're certain to win!"
And so they called up Satan and invited him to their horse show. Satan asked why they would want to be humiliated like that, because he would certainly beat them.
Peter, Paul, and John did not understand. Incredulous, Peter asked, "We have all of the champion horses in heaven! How could you possibly beat us?"
Satan laughed and replied, "Have you forgotten, gentlemen? I have all the judges in hell!"
20 signs your dressage test need work . . .
Good Things About Husbands:
The Horse's Advantage:
Recently I purchased and installed Horse 1.0.
I soon noticed that this program appears to have numerous glitches. For instance, every time my computer boots up, I have to run Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1. Many times I've been in the middle of writing an important document, and a window will flash telling me to run Clean Stall 2.0. This program also contained applications I did not wish to install, such as Manure 8.5, however they auto-installed with Horse 1.0.
Applications such as Vacation 2.7 and Free Time 10.1 can no longer run, crashing whenever selected. Possibly the worst is that Horse 1.0 has attached itself to programs like Finance Manager and MS Money, with folders added such as "Monthly Shoeing" and "Winter Blanket". Periodically, I'll get a reminder telling me to send a check to the manufacturer of Horse 1.0 for the aforementioned items.
I have tried to uninstall Horse 1.0 numerous times, but when I try to run the uninstall program, I get warning messages telling me that a deadly virus known as "Withdrawal" will infect my system. Please Help!!!!!
THE REPLY:
Dear User,
Your complaint is not unusual. A common misconception among users is that Horse 1.0 is a mere "utilities and entertainment program." It is not - it is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its' creator to run everything!
A warning will soon be imprinted on the box. Since you have already installed Horse 1.0, here are a few tips on how to make it run better. If you are annoyed by the applications Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1, you may run C: \HIRE HELP, however this will cause another folder to be added to financial applications, labeled "Staff". Failure to send payment to "Staff" will result in Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1 being run again on startup.
A note of caution: NOT booting up your computer for several days isn't the solution to avoiding Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1. You will find that, when you boot up your computer again, a nasty virus called "Colic 4.2" will have attached itself to important documents and the only way to rid your computer of Colic 4.2 is by purchasing and installing "Vet 10.1", which we admit is extremely expensive, but crucial. Otherwise, Colic 4.2 will cause irreversible damage to the operating system. Finally, it is important that you run C:\Carrots and C:\Scratch Ears on a fairly regular basis to keep the application running smoothly. If you have any more questions, please call our toll free number.
Sincerely,
Tech Support
How Many Riders Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?
ENDURANCE RIDER: Light bulb? Do you mind, I'm trying to get my horse's pulse / respiration / hydration levels to respectable levels. Once that is done, I have another 50 miles to go before I can even think about changing a light bulb. Um, any chance that the light bulb could assist me in my conditioning regimen.....
DRESSAGE QUEEN: Me! Change a light bulb? Are you joking? I couldn't possibly be expected to subject myself to such a menial task. Change it yourself. Oh, and wash your hands when you are finished. The very thought!
CLASSICAL DRESSAGE QUEEN: These things can not be rushed, but must be approached slowly, with great patience, and adherence to the principles laid down by the classical masters, otherwise the light bulb will not attain its true potential, but will forever just be a shadow of its true self. Never, ever, use any type of gadget when changing the light bulb. That is an offense to the principles of classical light bulb changing.
EVENTER: Hmm, as soon as my arm is out of this sling broken after falling off at that large stone wall (whilst riding Hell For Leather cross country) I'll change it. Until then, deal with the dark. It will put hair on your chest. Only prissy Dressage Queens require lights, anyway.
SHOW JUMPER: Why on Earth would I need to change a light bulb when the whole world knows that the sun shines out of my ass. Why, when I release over a jump, the spectators are practically blinded.
NATURAL HORSEMAN You must instill respect in the light bulb, so that it sees you as the Alpha light bulb, using "light bulb dynamics" (video available at $99.00 on my Website). Once you have done this, you will find that there is really no need to change the light bulb at all, but that the light bulb will, with very little coaxing from you (using patented "light bulb coaxer" designed by me - $99.00 each, for extra $49.99 you get video thrown in) will behave as all good light bulbs should.
A Horsie Wife is:
A Letter to "Horsie" Tech Support:
Dear Tech Support,
Recently I purchased and installed Horse 1.0. I soon noticed that this program appears to have numerous glitches. For instance, every time my computer boots up, I have to run Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1. Many times I've been in the middle of writing an important document, and a window will flash telling me to run Clean Stall 2.0. This program also contained applications I did not wish to install, such as Manure 8.5, however they auto-installed with Horse 1.0. Applications such as Vacation 2.7 and Free Time 10.1 can no longer run, crashing whenever selected. Possibly the worst is that Horse 1.0 has attached itself to programs like Finance Manager and MS Money, with folders added such as "Monthly Shoeing" and "Winter Blanket". Periodically, I'll get a reminder telling me to send a check to the manufacturer of Horse 1.0 for the aforementioned items. I have tried to uninstall Horse 1.0 numerous times, but when I try to run the uninstall program, I get warning messages telling me that a deadly virus known as "Withdrawal" will infect my system. Please Help!!!!!
THE REPLY:
Dear User,
Your complaint is not unusual. A common misconception among users is that Horse 1.0 is a mere "utilities and entertainment program." It is not - it is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its' creator to run everything! A warning will soon be imprinted on the box. Since you have already installed Horse 1.0, here are a few tips on how to make it run better. If you are annoyed by the applications Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1, you may run C: \HIRE HELP, however this will cause another folder to be added to financial applications, labeled "Staff". Failure to send payment to "Staff" will result in Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1 being run again on startup. A note of caution: NOT booting up your computer for several days isn't the solution to avoiding Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1. You will find that, when you boot up your computer again, a nasty virus called "Colic 4.2" will have attached itself to important documents and the only way to rid your computer of Colic 4.2 is by purchasing and installing "Vet 10.1", which we admit is extremely expensive, but crucial. Otherwise, Colic 4.2 will cause irreversible damage to the operating system. Finally, it is important that you run C:\Carrots and C:\Scratch Ears on a fairly regular basis to keep the application running smoothly. If you have any more questions, please call our toll free number.
Sincerely, Tech Support
The young couple had made their usual hurried, pre-Christmas visit to the little farm where dwelt their elderly parents with their small herd of horses. The farm had been named Lone Pine Farm because of the huge pine which topped the hill behind the farm, and through the years had become a talisman to the old man and his wife, and a landmark in the countryside. The old folks no longer showed their horses, for the years had taken their toll, but they sold a few foals each year, and the horses were their reason for joy in the morning and contentment at day's end.
Crossly, as they prepared to leave, the young couple confronted the old folks. "Why do you not at least dispose of "The Old One". She is no longer of use to you. It's been years since you've had foals from her. You should cut corners and save where you can. Why do you keep her anyway?"
The old man looked down as his worn boot scuffed at the barn floor and his arm stole defensively about the Old One's neck as he drew her to him and rubbed her gently behind the ears.
He replied softly, "We keep her because of love. Only because of love."
Baffled and irritated, the young folks wished the old man and his wife a Merry Christmas and headed back toward the city as darkness stole through the valley. So it was, that because of the leave-taking, no one noticed the insulation smouldering on the frayed wires in the old barn. None saw the first spark fall. None but the "Old One".
In a matter of minutes, the whole barn was ablaze and the hungry flames were licking at the loft full of hay. With a cry of horror and despair, the old man shouted to his wife to call for help as he raced to the barn to save their beloved horses. But the flames were roaring now, and the blazing heat drove him back. He sank sobbing to the ground, helpless before the fire's fury. By the time the fire department arrived, only smoking, glowing ruins were left, and the old man and his wife. They thanked those who had come to their aid, and the old man turned to his wife, resting her white head upon his shoulders as he clumsily dried her tears with a frayed red bandana.
Brokenly he whispered, "We have lost much, but God has spared our home on this eve of Christmas. Let us, therefore, climb the hill to the old pine where we have sought comfort in times of despair. We will look down upon our home and give thanks to God that it has been spared."
And so, he took her by the hand and helped her up the snowy hill as he brushed aside his own tears with the back of his hand. As they stepped over the little knoll at the crest of the hill, they looked up and gasped in amazement at the incredible beauty before them. Seemingly, every glorious, brilliant star in the heavens was caught up in the glittering, snow-frosted branches of their beloved pine, and it was aglow with heavenly candles. And poised on its top most bough, a crystal crescent moon glistened like spun glass. Never had a mere mortal created a Christmas tree such as this.
Suddenly, the old man gave a cry of wonder and incredible joy as he pulled his wife forward. There, beneath the tree, was their Christmas gift. Bedded down about the "Old One" close to the trunk of the tree, was the entire herd, safe. At the first hint of smoke, she had pushed the door ajar with her muzzle and had led the horses through it. Slowly and with great dignity, never looking back, she had led them up the hill, stepping daintily through the snow. The foals were frightened and dashed about. The skittish yearlings looked back at the crackling, hungry flames, and tucked their tails under them as they licked their lips and hopped like rabbits. The mares pressed uneasily against the "Old One" as she moved calmly up the hill and to safety beneath the pine.
And
now, she lay among them and gazed at the faces of those she loved. Her body was
brittle with years, but the golden eyes were filled with devotion as she offered
her gift - Because of love. Only Because of love.
Things one should never say to a blacksmith ...
Say these things anywhere but at the stables and you may be in trouble!